Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Fuck Nigeria, Part I

Sometimes, I like to have my fun. Just remember, Nigeria couldn't beat Angola in World Cup qualifying. Angola! God damn Angola sucked.

From Barr.Harry Douglas.

H.D & Associate Chambers
Plot 12 Abiodu Cresent, Ikoyi
EMAIL: barr_harrydouglas24@yahoo.co.uk

Dear Fiona ,

I am barrister Harry Douglas, a solicitor at law and the personal attorney to late Mr.Mark Fiona,a national of your country, who was a private contractor with the Shell Development Company in Nigeria, herein after referred to as my client. On the 21st of April 2004, he and his wife and their three children were involved in a car accident along Sagamu express road, all occupants of the vehicle unfortunately lost their lives.Since then I have made several enquiries to your embassy to locate any of my clients extended relatives but without
success.

After these several unsuccessful attempts, I decided to trace his last name to locate any member of his family hence I contacted you. I contacted you to assist me in repatriating the fund and property left behind by my client before they get confiscated or declared unserviceable by the bank where these huge deposits were lodged. The deceased who was my client had an account valued at about US$ 10.5 Million U.S Dollars and the bank has issued me a notice to provide the next of kin or have the account confiscated and transferred into the Federal Government Suspense Reserved Account.

Since I have been unsuccessful in locating any of my clients extended relatives almost three(3) years now, I therefore seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since you have the same last name so that the proceeds of this account valued at US$14 Million can be paid to you for our mutual benefit. I have all necessary legal documents to influlence all procedures to this effect. I have agreed to offer you 30% of the total sum for your assistance. All I require is your honest co-operation to enable us see this transaction through. I guarantee you that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement that will protect you and I against any breach of the law.

Please get in touch with me urgently if you are interested with my proposal to enable us proceed.

N:B, Please, kindly handle this business proposal with utmost secrecy for our best interest and for security reasons.

Thanks for your mutual understanding.

Best regards,
Barr. Harry Douglas,


I replied:

Dear Harry,

Why are you calling me "Fiona?"

But no matter. Your email is confusing and I'm not
sure what you're asking me for. All I know is the
only way I will continue correspondence is:

1) You permit me to send you my Social Security Number
and bank account information. I won't be able to
trust you unless you agree to receive this
information. It may sound quirky, but that's just the
way I roll.

2) You sever the head of some Nigerian boy and ship it
to America in a box. Note: you will have to correctly
guess my mailing address. Unfortunately, we won't be
able to to do business unless I get the severed head
first. That's how I know I can trust you.

Wishing you sincere going-and-fucking-yourselfery,
Fiona

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