Saturday, February 04, 2006

Ranty McGee Rides Again

Well, I was posting a comment on the blog of a friend (a guy who chose Magritte and Magritte paintings as his theme, yet in the 17 years I have known him has never started a conversation with me about art, so what does that say, that he thinks art conversations are too haute-couture for moi, or that he's a pretentious fuck? But I digress), and my comment to this post turned into a long, long predictable ranting screed against religion, Muslims, and the Seattle Seahawks. So I thought it deserved its own post. Here it is:

Muslims have absolutely the world's worst PR firm working for them. I mean, there are millions and millions of open minded and open hearted people who want to believe in man's inherent goodness. And I even believe that it isn't necessarily Muslimity that makes a religious person evil. I think it's the ineveitable toxic combination of either religion + power or religion + no power that makes religion an evil, evil thing that generally results in murder and terrible, horrible acts of inhumanity. And Muslims do a shitty, shitty ass job of promoting an alternative vision of their faith. They're John fucking Kerry plus Michael fucking Dukakis buttfucking Walter Mondale. I mean, honestly, it is basically left up to me to try and imagine that there really is this beautiful, pursposeful religion called Islam, but I sure as shit didn't get that idea from the fucking Muslims - I got it from somewhere in my recessed childhood where you figure you're supposed to default believe that religions are peaceful, this religion has a billion members, ergo it probably is at core a redeeming, valuable thing. But when that is purely interpolation-generated, and my competing images are always bitching, angry, radicalized, take-no-responsibility for own behaviors, atrocious cultural bullshit attitudes about women, gays, etc., then I stop being motivated to interpolate.

But then I recall that religions are always purely evil bullshit. They're nice stories about some moral people and some really cool philosophy, which is then used to sell an entire structured cultural overlay 100% for the purposes of a) fundraising and b) hierarchical control. It's like, hey, this philosopher, Jesus, was really cool, and when they got around to writing all that shit about him 100 years after he lived (no inaccuracy possible there), they were like, hey, isn't this some really cool shit? Well by the way, you have to now organize your life how we tell you to, based on what the one guy in the village who understands Latin tells you the story says. Oh, and that'll be 10%. And we get to fuck your little boys.

Fuck that, religions are the fucking Mafia, Jesus H. Christ is Tony fucking Soprano. And so is Mohammed, and Moses, and all the people who parted the Mediterranean or the Red Sea or whatever - they're just the Jersey and New York crime families.

So spare me, Muslims, from your anger. The fucking mockery of it is you're all just people. And as people, you're generally fucking assholes, as all people generally are. Only you are the most unwilling to look in the mirror people (forget religion) on planet Earth for the last 100 years. You're a fucking backward joke. You decided to play your hand this way: you decided to push all in with your macho posturing pride bullshit. Meaning that you decided, you had a right to do your crazy cultural shit, and it led to horrible forms of government, backwardness, terrible social structures where women are horribly treated, ridiculously unequal distribution of wealth, and all sorts of other wonderful asshattery. And on top of your asshole macho bullshit, you're the biggest bunch of fucking whiners ever, maybe in history. Seriously. Everything is Israel's fault. Oh, if only Israel didn't exist we'd be so happy and it would be wonderful. You have the emotional development of four year olds. Only you have figured out how to get a reaction to your tantrums. Blow shit up. And then get all pissy and justify what you were going to find a way to do one way or another regardless, which is find an excuse to radicalize and find more people to blow shit up to call attention to your fucking "plight." Fuck you. Seriously. You're Joe Pesci, only much less cool or amusing, and Joe Pesci is not cool and barely amusing to begin with. You found a reason to shoot Spider in the foot because you were going to all along. You were going to find some reason. But you passive aggressively made it seem like he did something to trigger it. God I hate that shit.

And don't give me this shit about what a tiny percentage of folks are actually blowing shit up - that is a goddamned lie and you know it. The percentage is irrelevant, it is the support for it, the big cultural overlay of heroic martyrdom and sacrifice for the cause and all that shit. All those madrassas that preach hate, all that 24/7 propaganda imagery and messaging about how it's Israel, Israel, Israel, all your problems in life can be traced to Israel and also the U.S. by extension. It's a lie on its face to say that it's only a tiny percentage, if there is NEVER any cultural censure of the behavior. There may be mouthings about oh, tsk, tsk, blowing shit up, not good. But you really come off ass assholes pleading "hey that's not really representative of us" when you're wink-winking along with the tepid, sparse (if any) tsk tsking.

And yes it's complex and the U.S. and Israel have some dirty hands and some dubious policies at times, but that is simply the excuse to absolve yourself of any responsibility for looking at your own situation. Sure you're angry, and some fraction of your anger is justified. But you seriously need a 12-step program. Take it from me, assholes, you're addicted to your own outrage. What I keep wondering is why the fuck there's no Muslim Gandhi who goes around saying shit like "Be the change you want to see in the world." Now that guy was a badass. Yes, he has been made into far more of a saint than he actually was. Same with MLK, who was another badass for the ages. But see, we give you the benefit of the doubt if you change the world. At least you're trying, you're fucking dedicated. Where the fuck is the Muslim Gandhi G? [By the way, if you're ever hanging out having a good time and sort of giddy, try imagining what Gandhi would've been like as a hockey player. It's a great way to entertain yourselves. See, we always thought he'd be blindingly and deceptively fast, like he just deked your ass all over the ice. And unquestionably, he wears the white flowing Gandhi G robes on the ice. You can't even see his feet move. But every once in a while, even just by random chance, maybe every four games or so, he'd get pasted - pasted - to the boards with a check. And the crowd goes silent, like 99% horrified - holy shit, look what you just did to Gandhi!! - and 1% secretly and incredibly fortunate to have seen something that spectacular - did you see that little fucker get splattered all over the end boards? That was terrible! That was fucking amazing!]

Anyway, so the problem is with Muslims as people culturally. The religious part is just a vehicle to cloak it in self-righteousness, but it's bullshit. Then again, that is the nature of religion - a total bullshit vehicle to justify man doing horrible abusive acts toward other men. And that is why you have to root against the Seahawks. Jerome Bettis may be a phony and a fraud, but he's not constantly stroking his cock in public in front of the cameras and moaning, oh, for the love of you my glorious God. My greatness is all about you. And all the Seahawks will be doing it on Sunday. Here's what makes it a joke regardless of what happens. If the Seahawks win, God anointed them to win. If the Steelers win, it's all part of God's mysterious plan, but I am going to go out on a limb and say the prospective loss is actually a lesson from God about perserverance and putting the important things in perspective. God must want the Seahawks to learn something from the high-profile loss, something He needed them to learn to better do His bidding, and only that kind of disappointment could germinate the seeds for the future for what He needs them to understand. Right? Religion is the ultimate rationalization machine. So much bullshit, so beyond encapsulation in magnitude of bullshit.

Fuck religion.
Fuck offended Muslims.
Fuck the Seahawks.


Blogger TubaOnFire said...

Dude, its not about art. Its a play. And I have talked about books with you. Is it pretentious? Yeah, probably. But hell, my obnline persona will be all cultured and shit.

Oh yeah, blogger has been really sucking lately.

10:55 PM  
Blogger Vanilla Bullshit said...

I am busting your chops and it was really a fun one.

But Tuba on Fire is a painting by Rene Magritte, yes?

5:30 AM  
Blogger TubaOnFire said...

It is actually called, "The Discovery of Fire" There is a line in the play where this old lady, who just came back from the Magrite Exhibit (thus After Magrite) is running around yelling "Tuba's in the Fog, Tuba's on fire. What the hell was that?" Amusing.

1:46 PM  

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