Sunday, February 26, 2006

A Fly on the Wall

"Fristie, we got a problem."
"What's that, Mr. President?"
"You folks in Congress are embarrassing me over this ports deal."
"Well, it's a pretty horrifying idea, Mr. President."
"Look Fristie, do you want me to keep up the pretense that you have a shot at getting the nomination in 2008 or not?"
"I'd like to continue to live in denial, Mr. President."
"Well, good. So you see the problem. We have to figure out a way for me to save face."
"You mean, the deal goes away in a way that makes you still look good?"
"Hell no, Fristie. I mean, the deal has to go through. But everyone can save face if we pretend to wait and pretend to review it, wait a month or two, then rubber stamp what I want."
"How is that a face-saving deal?"
"Well, look. It already appears to people that I can't get whatever I want whenever I want. This whole uprising makes me look like I'm not in total control."
"I still don't get it. How does this 'save face'? Even the stupid Toby Keith-loving assholes in Tennessee will finally get it that all this national security fearmongering empty propaganda has been bullshit from Day 1, and that's our bread and butter. That's how we win elections, remember?"
"Listen Fristie. Forget all that. I'm embarrassed enough already. We wait a month or so then I get what I want, people still understand that when I want something I'm gonna get it no matter what. It's a good deal for me."
"Well, I guess you have a point there, Mr. President. Don't you think people will still be angry about granting security access to a country with dirty 9/11 hands?"
"I already told you, I'm waiting a month or two."
"But they still get the deal?"
"Well, Jim Baker is in tight with these folks. We Bushes go way back. It's a business thing."
"Mr. President, with all due respect, you sound like a Michael Moore film right now. This is exactly what he alleges - all this Bush family Saudi-terrorist tied conspiracy stuff."
"Didn't see it."
"Well, I really do want to keep lying to myself about my chances for president. I guess I could come up with a deal."
"Just repeat after me, Fristie, this compromise solves everyone's problem."
"It solves everyone's problem?"
"That's right. Say it. This deal solves everyone's problem."
"This deal solves everyone's problem."
"That wasn't so hard, was it? Now watch this drive. Heh heh heh."


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