Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Introducing a Theme - Mocking Stupid Religious People

Hey Dumbass, did you ever consider that maybe God was just trying to fuck you up? Did you ever look at what happened and say: "What actually took place here?" Well, your chute, which would almost always open, had major problems. Since you obviously believe in God's omnipotence (ability to save you from death), don't you agree that He could have just made your chute open properly? Instead, He made you smash face first into a concrete parking lot at 50 mph and totally fucked you up. God must fucking hate you, because He kept you alive in excruciating pain. You will probably ache on cold days for the rest of your life. And, eventually, God will kill you, I promise.

"So not only did God save me but he spared this baby," she said (she was pregnant).

Well...

"I heard a snap and I started spinning and I didn't know why. I didn't know what to do to fix it. I didn't know how to make it stop," Richardson told Fort Smith, Arkansas, television station KFSM.

Wow, so you have such unquestioning total certainty that you lived because God saved you, but you have not a single contender of a notion for why you heard a snap and started spinning. I'll tell you - God wanted it that way. And your ignorance about fixing it? God. God planned that part. He didn't want you to know. He wanted you to smash. God was like, "I'm gonna fuck this bitch's pelvis up but good. I'll break the fuck out of her leg and make it so the doctors have to insert steel plates everywhere, because I'm a big fan of steel, Me."

This will be an ongoing series of mocking religious assholes, like this wench and Shaun Alexander.

2 Comments:

Blogger TubaOnFire said...

I have a whole series planned for this. Intelligent Design for religion. The idea is that looking at the major religions, you can see why they were created as they were. Not from any basic truth, but from a need of those in power at the time. Opium of the Masses, baby.

12:25 PM  
Blogger TubaOnFire said...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20051228/ap_on_re_as/pakistan_honor_killings

This should be nice fodder in your segment.

12:34 PM  

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